Shelter in the Trees
by Crick118
Summary: I head towards the direction of the trees. I've always been comforted by the woods. I don't know why, but everything always seems to make sense there. one-sided SanoKen Challenge-fic for soupcan


**Q: How do you write an angst in a bright blue tank top?**

**A: With lots and lots of cheese.**

**Soupcan, it's your challenge fic! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: Really? You honestly think it's mine? I'm flattered, but also wondering how broad your imagination must be.**

Shelter in the Trees

"_Could it be that everything goes round by chance?_

_Or only one way that it was always meant to be?_

_You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say,_

_I know what I should do but I just can't walk away."_

_-Jimmy Eat World "Kill"_

Sweat clings to skin, as essential as the breath coming out in ragged gasps. All the while I attempt to squash this fluttering in my stomach. It's too late, though. It travels up, and up, and up, suppressing all other thoughts, emotions, questions; only wanting one thing. _Him._

We're sparring. He was caught off-guard at first, now realizing just how much closer to his level I've gotten. It doesn't matter, he'll beat me like always. Then he'll smile and I'll know the next words from his lips by heart.

"Sano-san, this one believes you are improving greatly," he says. I love watching the way his petal-soft lips move: almost girlishly, with only the tiniest hint of masculinity from some unknown source. Perhaps that's just my imagination.

I want to crush those lips with my own. I long to use his surpised gasp as an opening through which I'll start to explore his mouth. Just push him up against the wall and…

I surrender the match, only being able to stand his presence for so many minutes of the day. He'll never know how I feel. He'll never know, and even if he does someday, he'll never understand. I can't stand the longing that melancholy thoughts like this bring to the surface. Better to just leave this place for a while and drag all emotions related to him into the darkest corner of my soul.

I walk away from the compound; heading for shelter within the trees. I have always been comforted by the woods. For some reason, everything just seems to make sense there.

A robin flies by, reminding me of his long, bushy mane of hair. I can no longer walk so I start running. I can't run away from this, but I'll try as hard as humanly possible.

How the Hell did this happen? I never planned to fall in love. Is that what this is? Love?

No, we're both _men_, you can't feel something for someone of the same gender.

That's not true, I'd already disproved that theory before I even thought of it.

Even if I did love him, why should he feel the same way? He's already got two women desperately vying for his affections. Hell, he's already married to one of them! He deserves more than me; he deserves someone he can have children with. It kills me to know this fact.

I don't think I'll ever recover from this torment. Maybe it _is_ love.

I don't realize I've sat down under a tree until Kenshin walks up and sits down beside me.

"This one thinks something is wrong with Sano-san," he remarks. I can smell his sweat mixed with some kind of blossom. His scent bewitches me.

I say nothing because the second I open my mouth I know I'll try to do something I shouldn't. He mistakes my silence as pondering and waits for me to answer.

After what seems like eternity, he asks, " Sano-san is in love, isn't he?" My imagination tells me he sounded mournful when he said this, but I know it can't be true.

What happened next went too quickly for my mind to follow. What I meant to say was, "I think so."

What ended up coming out was a forced, "I-" before all self-control was lost. I turned while pulling him close and kissed him. Hard. On the lips.

Then he pushed me away. I didn't want to stop but eventually he gathered enough strength to pull my lips from his. I didn't know what to do, so I stood up and ran again.

Why did I do that? What could've possibly possessed me to do such a thing? We had had such a great friendship, couldn't I have just been happy with that? Why did I have to want to make it something more? I could've been able to wake up every morning and see his bright face, share stupid jokes, spar a little, and watch him as he fell further in love with Kaoru.

No, I couldn't keep hiding this feeling, I was dying inside. Maybe I still am, but at least now he knows…

It'll never be good enough, but I can survive this way. Maybe someday our relationship will heal and we'll be friends again; he'll forget what I did today and move on with his life. Who knows? Maybe I will too. It doesn't seem remotely possible right now, but maybe there'll be someone who I'll learn to love and will love me back.

For now, I'm going to have to go back and give a fake apology for kissing him. Neither of us will believe it, but both will want to so much someday it may become truth.

It's when I think this that I realize I'm sitting down; sobbing so hard I can't breathe. I can't remember when was the last time I've shed a tear, let alone cried.

"It must be raindrops; men aren't supposed to cry," I said.

That's when I notice there's a soft yet comforting pressure on my hand. "Crying is the soul's way of telling us it is healing," the owner of the hand holding mine answered. I didn't need to look at him to know who it was.

" You knew, didn't you?" I asked, "Why did you never say anything?"

"Because even if this one _did_ reciprocate Sano-san's feelings, that wouldn't change the fact that he was married. It wouldn't change that he had a child. Nothing could've happened between this one and Sano-san," he answered.

"Did you…ever have feelings for me?"

"… Yes."

"Shit."

"Shit indeed. "

I think this was the first time I'd ever heard Kenshin curse.

--

**Ummm, well, I'm not sure this was exactly where I was intending for this story to end. Originally, I wanted a somewhat happy ending, but this fic was for soupcan, and it was supposed to be angst, so, yeah. **

**Comments? Critiques? Confusion? Flamers? Reviews help me progress as a wannabe author.**

**-Crick**


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